Yes, I understand. It's better to stay under the radar that way, isn't it?
[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
The reason I was made. Why sabotaging the mission that resulted in the Butterfly Incident was so important that they had to custom create not one, but two units for it, and wipe all our internal records clean so that they couldn't be tracked.
Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
[ they were tools, she'd said, that look a little more human than normal. brilith knows, intimately well, how it feels to be at the bottom of the chain. 45 isn't weak. but she is treated as lesser, just as the humans in her own world were, and are. the t-dolls lives' are made to be thrown away and matter little to her creators, just as the humans in her own world didn't matter to the gods who made them.
it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
I think that will depend greatly on what those answers turn out to be. For a long time- I knew it happened, but I couldn't even access those memories without a lot of effort and risk.
[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
[ hm what if she just doesn't acknowledge that she has no intention of surviving that long? she's a little pleased to be added to that list, regardless. ]
Perhaps it's something to ask Master Blue, should we manage to leave this place. [ she does look curious though. ] A code phrase would be simple enough. What would it be, then?
It's no fault of yours that they got their hopes up. Even so, curing Hunter means we'll have the chance to create a vaccine, if he agrees to it. Is that not more luck than we all thought we'd have, when this began?
Expect nothing, so you can be pleasantly surprised?
[ lightly remarked, but. ]
I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. For someone today or thereafter to come to me asking, 'why didn't you save it, why couldn't you help them instead?'
...No, I don't think so. There are most certainly those who still think that. But it isn't our place to decide who lives or dies, is it? There would be no point if we didn't try to save as many as we can, without bias.
They think that, but they have not aired out their grievances to me, hm?
I cannot place a value on human lives. I cannot say which might be worth more than others. All I can say is that objectively, they are worth more than a doll's.
[ she is a doll. every single one of her thoughts and actions comes down to calculation in the end, right? ]
Not everyone would be comfortable with a confrontation like that. Or maybe they're the type to silently hold a grudge. I can't speak for them.
[ brilith is. both of those things, really, in different situations. but not against 45. ]
...I don't agree with that. [ brilith shakes her head in dismay. ] You may be a doll, but I don't think that makes you less worthy of living than any of the rest, human or otherwise.
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[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
What is it you're looking for, then?
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Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
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it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
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[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
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Then I hope you will find what you are looking for, and sooner rather than later.
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[ a lot of people would not be so supportive of a dressed up revenge quest, so bless brilith, really. ]
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I'll look forward to hearing from you again, once you've done it.
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Though, I wonder how secure transmissions across worlds can be ... Well. You'll know it's me by a code phrase then, how about that?
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Perhaps it's something to ask Master Blue, should we manage to leave this place. [ she does look curious though. ] A code phrase would be simple enough. What would it be, then?
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anyway. ]
"I've brought misfortune."
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Funny how you choose that, after having such luck in this place.
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[ i have her say, after the reveal in monster week that her fursona is a crow/raven. ]
And what luck is that, might I ask? The ability to save Hunter last week, and raise everyone's hopes for this one only to shatter them?
[ since dazai is dead but she heard how chuuya and akira were talking at the end of trial. ]
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It's no fault of yours that they got their hopes up. Even so, curing Hunter means we'll have the chance to create a vaccine, if he agrees to it. Is that not more luck than we all thought we'd have, when this began?
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[ lightly remarked, but. ]
I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. For someone today or thereafter to come to me asking, 'why didn't you save it, why couldn't you help them instead?'
Perhaps I was simply being overly pessimistic.
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I cannot place a value on human lives. I cannot say which might be worth more than others. All I can say is that objectively, they are worth more than a doll's.
[ she is a doll. every single one of her thoughts and actions comes down to calculation in the end, right? ]
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[ brilith is. both of those things, really, in different situations. but not against 45. ]
...I don't agree with that. [ brilith shakes her head in dismay. ] You may be a doll, but I don't think that makes you less worthy of living than any of the rest, human or otherwise.