[ it's pathetic, she thinks. beau, who was one such a strong young woman in the old brilith's eyes, reduced to this heap of emotions, and trying so desperately to escape them. everyone has their breaking point, but she can't help but wonder - how could beau fold so completely, knowing full well what could happen at any moment?
but there's a current of pity boiling just below the surface, bringing with it a surge of sympathy that brilith can't ignore. this body... its memories are still fond of this woman. she can't just leave her here like this.
she sighs, and kneels down beside beau, laying her staff on the floor (behind her, where beau won't be able to snatch it easily). ]
Running from it won't make it hurt less. It's only a temporary reprieve.
[ here she hesitates, allowing herself a moment to feel awkward, before suggesting quietly: ]
...Sometimes it helps to cry first, and concentrate later. You have plenty of time to do that before tomorrow. No one will judge you for it.
[ she resents this - resents being seen as something breakable and pathetic, and she knows that's probably how this new brilith feels. she couldn't possibly understand, right, so old and inured to emotion. but everybody has their breaking point. and beau's is losing the father she didn't know she needed.
she's expecting harsh words, insults or haughtiness, and she's prepared to just take it. she doesn't have the energy to defend herself. maybe she deserves it. maybe she deserves someone to tell her she's pathetic, that she should be stronger. this is such small fry, beau thinks, dragging in a shuddery breath, there's so much more important shit going on than some girl's daddy issues, and so she's ready for it.
but brilith surprises her. beau looks at her, trying to figure out if it's a trick, if she's being fucked with.
a pause. there's so many rude things she could say. but. ]
[ said dryly, as brilith refused to turn her eyes away. she doesn't make any further moves, gives no offer of comfort - but someone needs to look after beau. maybe they'd both agree that someone else would do a better job than this version of brilith ruin, but these are the cards they've both been dealt. ]
If you didn't want to be seen like this, you shouldn't be resorting to drugs at all. But as I said - I'm not going to judge you for how you cope, Beau.
[ it feels so natural, to resort to that nickname. brilith is already slowly letting pieces of the softhearted woman she used to be back in, in this moment- why not that, too? ]
Not - seen, just. You. I don't want you to... never mind.
[ she's not expecting anything. she's not expecting comfort or understanding, and if she just sets that for herself first off, she won't get hurt. she hurts too much as it is. ]
You called me Beau. [ she says quietly, bringing a hand up to wipe at her face. she's crying - not sobs or anything, she just can't stop the tears from streaming down her face. ]
[ even if it weren't for the old brilith's affection, she would have liked beau no matter what. she's a hypocrite in many ways, but brilith can respect this woman for what she is. and yes, maybe there's a bit of bias there, not even because of the old brilith, but because of -
she'll meet beau's eyes, then, and hold her gaze steady. ]
I don't. So you don't have to hold back, just because I'm the one who found you.
[ she looks away - she can't look brilith in the eye, but she does cry. silently, with the tears just dripping down her face rather than full-out sobs. ]
I don't think you hate me. [ beau says, voice unsteady. ] I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of you.
[ still. even after everything. she's angry still, but it's buried so deep under everything that's happened this week that she's too tired to try and dig it up. she's just sad. and she's still young, and she's never felt it so keenly before. ]
I don't hate you either. [ beau mumbles, pulling her knees to her chest. ]
[ ...for all the lives and experience behind her, brilith still doesn't know what to do with that. so she takes the information, packs it away, and focuses on something else. ]
Why should you be embarrassed? You lost someone you loved, and you're hurt. That's not something to be embarrassed about - that's human.
[ perhaps she seems heartless now. even brilith knows that awakening brings out some of the worst parts of her, all that anger and resentment from millions and millions of years coming to a boiling point. at her core, though, she has always cared most about the human race and their welfare. she would never hold someone's humanity against them. ]
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Yeah. It's not gonna - it won't. [ a beat. ] It never lasts long enough. Once I'm out of the room, it. It stops going.
[ she sounds dizzy, so that's fun. ] But I can't - focus, if I'm crying, and I have to focus, because I have to figure this out.
no subject
but there's a current of pity boiling just below the surface, bringing with it a surge of sympathy that brilith can't ignore. this body... its memories are still fond of this woman. she can't just leave her here like this.
she sighs, and kneels down beside beau, laying her staff on the floor (behind her, where beau won't be able to snatch it easily). ]
Running from it won't make it hurt less. It's only a temporary reprieve.
[ here she hesitates, allowing herself a moment to feel awkward, before suggesting quietly: ]
...Sometimes it helps to cry first, and concentrate later. You have plenty of time to do that before tomorrow. No one will judge you for it.
no subject
she's expecting harsh words, insults or haughtiness, and she's prepared to just take it. she doesn't have the energy to defend herself. maybe she deserves it. maybe she deserves someone to tell her she's pathetic, that she should be stronger. this is such small fry, beau thinks, dragging in a shuddery breath, there's so much more important shit going on than some girl's daddy issues, and so she's ready for it.
but brilith surprises her. beau looks at her, trying to figure out if it's a trick, if she's being fucked with.
a pause. there's so many rude things she could say. but. ]
... I don't want you to see me like this.
no subject
[ said dryly, as brilith refused to turn her eyes away. she doesn't make any further moves, gives no offer of comfort - but someone needs to look after beau. maybe they'd both agree that someone else would do a better job than this version of brilith ruin, but these are the cards they've both been dealt. ]
If you didn't want to be seen like this, you shouldn't be resorting to drugs at all. But as I said - I'm not going to judge you for how you cope, Beau.
[ it feels so natural, to resort to that nickname. brilith is already slowly letting pieces of the softhearted woman she used to be back in, in this moment- why not that, too? ]
no subject
[ she's not expecting anything. she's not expecting comfort or understanding, and if she just sets that for herself first off, she won't get hurt. she hurts too much as it is. ]
You called me Beau. [ she says quietly, bringing a hand up to wipe at her face. she's crying - not sobs or anything, she just can't stop the tears from streaming down her face. ]
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I'm sorry. I'll remember to use your full name next time.
[ being here feels... awkward, now. this was a mistake, then. ]
I can leave, if you want. But I'll make sure someone else comes in my place. I don't think being alone will help you right now.
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[ she says quietly, with a sniff. she stares at brilith, trying to focus on the world spinning loosely around her. ]
You don't have to leave. But I get why you'd want to.
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[ even if it weren't for the old brilith's affection, she would have liked beau no matter what. she's a hypocrite in many ways, but brilith can respect this woman for what she is. and yes, maybe there's a bit of bias there, not even because of the old brilith, but because of -
she'll meet beau's eyes, then, and hold her gaze steady. ]
I don't. So you don't have to hold back, just because I'm the one who found you.
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I don't think you hate me. [ beau says, voice unsteady. ] I just don't want to embarrass myself in front of you.
[ still. even after everything. she's angry still, but it's buried so deep under everything that's happened this week that she's too tired to try and dig it up. she's just sad. and she's still young, and she's never felt it so keenly before. ]
I don't hate you either. [ beau mumbles, pulling her knees to her chest. ]
no subject
Why should you be embarrassed? You lost someone you loved, and you're hurt. That's not something to be embarrassed about - that's human.
[ perhaps she seems heartless now. even brilith knows that awakening brings out some of the worst parts of her, all that anger and resentment from millions and millions of years coming to a boiling point. at her core, though, she has always cared most about the human race and their welfare. she would never hold someone's humanity against them. ]