I don't have one. We can't know how things will change, but I don't plan to help, and I don't plan to hinder them. All they've asked is for me to live, nothing more.
[ brilith knows all too well the status of her own history - erased from existence long ago, every last vestige of it destroyed, save her own soul, and that only because of a twist of fate. she and her people were replaced by something new, something different and weaker - more pliant, and subservient to the gods. though she hides it well among these new humans, all it's done is instill a deep-rooted bitterness in her soul.
so she can't help but wonder how 45 seems so different. or is she, at all? is she hiding her real feelings on the matter, just like brilith has had to do for millennia? ]
If only the rest of them were so understanding. [ she sighs, suddenly very tired. ] Though I suppose it's difficult, from their perspectives. The one life they have means the world to them.
I shouldn't still exist. It's easier in some ways if they think I don't.
It will make looking for what I need to know much simpler.
[ something that for now, she can twist into being an advantage, of sorts. a ghost in the machine, a team that does not strictly exist in any official systems or records. ]
Yes, I understand. It's better to stay under the radar that way, isn't it?
[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
The reason I was made. Why sabotaging the mission that resulted in the Butterfly Incident was so important that they had to custom create not one, but two units for it, and wipe all our internal records clean so that they couldn't be tracked.
Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
[ they were tools, she'd said, that look a little more human than normal. brilith knows, intimately well, how it feels to be at the bottom of the chain. 45 isn't weak. but she is treated as lesser, just as the humans in her own world were, and are. the t-dolls lives' are made to be thrown away and matter little to her creators, just as the humans in her own world didn't matter to the gods who made them.
it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
I think that will depend greatly on what those answers turn out to be. For a long time- I knew it happened, but I couldn't even access those memories without a lot of effort and risk.
[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
[ hm what if she just doesn't acknowledge that she has no intention of surviving that long? she's a little pleased to be added to that list, regardless. ]
Perhaps it's something to ask Master Blue, should we manage to leave this place. [ she does look curious though. ] A code phrase would be simple enough. What would it be, then?
It's no fault of yours that they got their hopes up. Even so, curing Hunter means we'll have the chance to create a vaccine, if he agrees to it. Is that not more luck than we all thought we'd have, when this began?
Expect nothing, so you can be pleasantly surprised?
[ lightly remarked, but. ]
I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. For someone today or thereafter to come to me asking, 'why didn't you save it, why couldn't you help them instead?'
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[ ... ]
This is your peace, then? How you try to convince them to vote for you again, knowing this?
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[ She's a doll, after all. ]
I asked what your plan was. How will the coming week be any different from this one?
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Those lifetimes of memories must be a heavy burden. I'm not sure I can understand it, but do as you will. I won't argue with you like the others have.
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[ she doesn't roll her eyes, exactly, but the sentiment is there in her tone. ]
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A malfunction in the system, a glitch to be handled.
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Yes. You'd know quite well what that's like, wouldn't you?
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[ been erased or erased herself? a mystery. ]
My end point is: your business is your business. I can hardly judge you for it, much less offer advice, when I know so little of it to begin with.
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[ brilith knows all too well the status of her own history - erased from existence long ago, every last vestige of it destroyed, save her own soul, and that only because of a twist of fate. she and her people were replaced by something new, something different and weaker - more pliant, and subservient to the gods. though she hides it well among these new humans, all it's done is instill a deep-rooted bitterness in her soul.
so she can't help but wonder how 45 seems so different. or is she, at all? is she hiding her real feelings on the matter, just like brilith has had to do for millennia? ]
If only the rest of them were so understanding. [ she sighs, suddenly very tired. ] Though I suppose it's difficult, from their perspectives. The one life they have means the world to them.
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[ not necessarily good, then, but- ]
I shouldn't still exist. It's easier in some ways if they think I don't.
It will make looking for what I need to know much simpler.
[ something that for now, she can twist into being an advantage, of sorts. a ghost in the machine, a team that does not strictly exist in any official systems or records. ]
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[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
What is it you're looking for, then?
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Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
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it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
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[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
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Then I hope you will find what you are looking for, and sooner rather than later.
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[ a lot of people would not be so supportive of a dressed up revenge quest, so bless brilith, really. ]
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I'll look forward to hearing from you again, once you've done it.
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Though, I wonder how secure transmissions across worlds can be ... Well. You'll know it's me by a code phrase then, how about that?
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Perhaps it's something to ask Master Blue, should we manage to leave this place. [ she does look curious though. ] A code phrase would be simple enough. What would it be, then?
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anyway. ]
"I've brought misfortune."
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Funny how you choose that, after having such luck in this place.
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[ i have her say, after the reveal in monster week that her fursona is a crow/raven. ]
And what luck is that, might I ask? The ability to save Hunter last week, and raise everyone's hopes for this one only to shatter them?
[ since dazai is dead but she heard how chuuya and akira were talking at the end of trial. ]
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It's no fault of yours that they got their hopes up. Even so, curing Hunter means we'll have the chance to create a vaccine, if he agrees to it. Is that not more luck than we all thought we'd have, when this began?
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[ lightly remarked, but. ]
I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. For someone today or thereafter to come to me asking, 'why didn't you save it, why couldn't you help them instead?'
Perhaps I was simply being overly pessimistic.
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