I already told you the only person that helped is dead, Brilith, I don't know what you want from me. I'm just gonna go until I can't. And I've been doing that since I could walk, so. It'll take a while for me to get as old as you.
I want you to find someone else, Beau! Stop being an idiot, will you?
[ more and more of the old brilith is seeping out, and she doesn't even seem to realize it. there's a thread of distress threading into her voice that she hasn't noticed quickly enough to close herself back off, one that this brilith would never have allowed otherwise. ]
What will happen to the ones who need you when you burn out, too? Who will help them, then?
[ beau - yeah, she told brilith to call her that, but she's surprised it actually happens. she doesn't say anything. she - misses this old brilith, and maybe she wants to encourage it as much as she can. ]
Ideally, they'll help each other. It's kind of like Phoenix, right? All the people that are missing him coming together and making bonds, making promises.
I'm glad they care, but they won't notice. [ her smile is a little sad. ] Which is okay. Really. That's kind of how I want it to be? I can put my shit on the backburner if it means people like Hunter get to be okay. He deserves a bit of happiness.
I got all the happiness I was ever supposed to get in Exandria, I think. Hit the max. So this is all bonus. [ and she's waiting for it to burst. ]
There is no such thing as a maximum for happiness!
[ she takes a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. ]
Isn't this the same thing you were yelling at me for, not so long ago? Because no one noticed and I wanted it that way? You're doing the same exact thing you said you hate!
[ she sighs, pushing the beanie back just a little. her mask is glowing a sickly green color, visible even under her hair. ]
I hate it because I don't want other people to have to go through it, Brilith. It sucks. I probably shouldn't have yelled at you for it. I just wanted you to be happy, and talking through shit calmly isn't really my thing.
[ the fight seeps right out of her just as quickly as it came, and she averts her eyes. as she speaks, her voice gets softer, until she trails off completely. ]
Of course I care. You... You remind me so much of...
[ her frown only deepens. she takes another step, and then another, and, boldly, rests a hand on brilith's arm. she's sure she's going to get batted away, but. ]
[ she can't tell beau what happened. she won't. it would be too easy for that same nightmare to occur all over again - all those good intentions, all for the sake of others, all to lead right to their own destruction. ]
...Find someone. I don't care who. Please don't do this alone, Beau.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I already told you the only person that helped is dead, Brilith, I don't know what you want from me. I'm just gonna go until I can't. And I've been doing that since I could walk, so. It'll take a while for me to get as old as you.
Or maybe it won't.
no subject
[ more and more of the old brilith is seeping out, and she doesn't even seem to realize it. there's a thread of distress threading into her voice that she hasn't noticed quickly enough to close herself back off, one that this brilith would never have allowed otherwise. ]
What will happen to the ones who need you when you burn out, too? Who will help them, then?
no subject
Ideally, they'll help each other. It's kind of like Phoenix, right? All the people that are missing him coming together and making bonds, making promises.
If I burn out, nobody is gonna know.
no subject
[ she knows the answer even as she asks, and it only serves to upset her more. ]
There are people here that care about you, too - what about them, Beau?
no subject
I'm glad they care, but they won't notice. [ her smile is a little sad. ] Which is okay. Really. That's kind of how I want it to be? I can put my shit on the backburner if it means people like Hunter get to be okay. He deserves a bit of happiness.
I got all the happiness I was ever supposed to get in Exandria, I think. Hit the max. So this is all bonus. [ and she's waiting for it to burst. ]
no subject
[ she takes a step back, shaking her head in disbelief. ]
Isn't this the same thing you were yelling at me for, not so long ago? Because no one noticed and I wanted it that way? You're doing the same exact thing you said you hate!
no subject
[ she sighs, pushing the beanie back just a little. her mask is glowing a sickly green color, visible even under her hair. ]
I hate it because I don't want other people to have to go through it, Brilith. It sucks. I probably shouldn't have yelled at you for it. I just wanted you to be happy, and talking through shit calmly isn't really my thing.
no subject
[ her hands curl into fists, apparently oblivious to the pain it causes, with those burns. ]
You are an idiot, Beau.
no subject
I mean, yeah. I am an idiot, but - I didn't think you cared a whole lot about me one way or another to begin with, Bril.
no subject
So you don't think I hate you - just that I don't care? You really do think so little of yourself and of me, don't you?
no subject
[ she looks confused, why anger!! ]
It's not that I think little of you. I just thought... I don't know, I'm not really worth your time? Am I wrong?
no subject
Of course I care. You... You remind me so much of...
no subject
Someone you know, I guess. [ beau supplies, soft. ]
no subject
...All of them. All of my old friends, and my family... [ in a whisper, she continues: ] You're so much like them.
no subject
I guess I'm sorry and glad about that.
no subject
I don't want to see the same thing that happened to them happen to you, too.
no subject
I don't know what happened to them. But. [ she thinks about it for a second. ] I can try a little harder for you if you want me to.
no subject
...Find someone. I don't care who. Please don't do this alone, Beau.
no subject
I will. [ she just - can't tell brilith who. ] If I do, can you promise me something?
no subject
no subject
no subject
I don't know why you'd want to. I'm not... the same person you knew.
...But if that is what it takes - then yes.
no subject
[ she squeezes Brilith's arm, and lets go. ]
no subject
[ she turns away, ready to flee to somewhere quiet. she needs to get ahold of herself; this is... she should be able to do better than this. ]
You may not feel that way for long.
no subject
You always think you're more something than me. It really drives me up the wall, you know? [ but it's mostly amused. ] I'll see you later, Bril.