anyway that memory sure was a lot and beau kind of - doesn't know what to do with it. she frowns as they come out of it, and rubs at her face, trying to make sense of what was going on. it reminds her of something she'd seen before, someone else's memory, and she almost instinctively grabs for brilith's hand to make sure it's still there, turning it over to look. ]
[ that memory... it always stirs something very uncomfortable in brilith's mind, something all too easy to get lost in. it's grounding, in a way, when beau grabs her hand before brilith can even think to pull away. ]
...It was a transcendental, of a sura named Sagara. She led an attack my city, and she hated that I wouldn't give up. So she tried to kill me. She almost did.
That transcendental... it rots your body away, slowly and painfully. It was the worst thing I'd ever felt.
Like blight. [ beau murmurs. she mulls that over for a moment - if brilith didn't pull away entirely when she turns, she kind of soothingly pets brilith's hand. otherwise she just pulls her legs up to the pew and frowns. ]
But you survived it. Was that, uh. Agni? [ at the end. ]
You surviving is definitely the most important part of that, yeah. [ she huffs. ] The... Burnish are Lio's people, but I think that's more his thing to tell.
...I meant the city's safety, Beau. I wouldn't regret giving my life, if it meant my people would be alright.
[ just a quiet, gentle correction, as she finally pulls her hand away. ]
If you mean to ask whether I'm in danger often, the answer is no. Sura attacks are rare, and Sagara... she disappeared seven years ago. There is a good chance that it will happen again, once I get home, but whether it's on the same scale...
[ she shrugs. ]
As long as Agni is there, the barrier should hold, and we'll have a way of fighting back.
Look, I've had like half this fucking mansion tell me it's not okay to sacrifice my life for anybody, even though I'm a piece of shit, so I'm not gonna sit here and hear it from you, either.
Protecting the city and the people who live there is my job. They rely on me and on Agni to keep them safe. What kind of priestess would I be if I put my own life above theirs?
You don't have to fucking be a priestess all the time. You're a person, don't give me that. I know you'd do it because that's the kind of person you are, but you don't have to be okay with it. Fuck that.
Who said I'm not okay with it? My mother held the position before me, and she died to protect our people. I knew exactly what it would mean when I chose to follow in her footsteps, or I wouldn't have summoned Agni at all.
[ she's too tired to get angry, even if she feels a little offended by beau's tirade. as if she doesn't know...? ]
I've already lost most of my lifespan, anyway. If the rest of it is spent protecting what matters most to me, then I won't have any regrets. I've already failed Atera once by letting the barrier fall when they needed it most. I won't do it again.
[ she just goes ahead and punches the pew in front of her. beau is never too tired to be angry. she also catapults herself up to go pace. muttering to herself: ]
Why do all the girls I'm into do this? Is it a me thing?
[ the sudden movement startles brilith, and she watches with wide eyes as beau rises. ]
All the... what?
[ ??? slowly, as if she's trying not to upset beau further, she sets her book aside to stand. it's tempting to reach for her staff, but she resists and only goes to the end of the pew - letting beau have distance, if she wants it, but still concerned. ]
Beau, it has nothing to do with you. I made that decision almost twenty years ago.
Fucking - of course it doesn't, I'm not that arrogant, I didn't think it had anything to do with me. I just get sick of seeing people like you fucking toil and suffer for years and nobody even cares or notices.
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brilith: oh? friend? we're friends? ]
Mm. Agni seemed worried that I'd hold a grudge against you, but-
[ haha. whatever that thought was, she's not finishing it, that's when they'll see a memory, one that always takes her breath away. ]
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anyway that memory sure was a lot and beau kind of - doesn't know what to do with it. she frowns as they come out of it, and rubs at her face, trying to make sense of what was going on. it reminds her of something she'd seen before, someone else's memory, and she almost instinctively grabs for brilith's hand to make sure it's still there, turning it over to look. ]
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Beau...?
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[ she can see the ashes drifting away so clearly that it's disorienting. but there it is. maybe she doesn't let go just yet. ]
What was that? [ beau asks quietly, tracing her fingers over brilith's palm. ]
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...It was a transcendental, of a sura named Sagara. She led an attack my city, and she hated that I wouldn't give up. So she tried to kill me. She almost did.
That transcendental... it rots your body away, slowly and painfully. It was the worst thing I'd ever felt.
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But you survived it. Was that, uh. Agni? [ at the end. ]
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That's right. If he hadn't shown up just then, I think Sagara would have gotten what she wanted.
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[ which makes her Upset. ] The way you - fuck, man. I'm - sorry? I feel like that isn't the right thing to say, but I am.
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[ ah... but then beau says that, and brilith fervently shakes her head. ]
No, it... it doesn't matter anymore. It was seven years ago, my city is safe. now, and I survived. That's more important.
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You surviving is definitely the most important part of that, yeah. [ she huffs. ] The... Burnish are Lio's people, but I think that's more his thing to tell.
Is life like that all the time for you?
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[ just a quiet, gentle correction, as she finally pulls her hand away. ]
If you mean to ask whether I'm in danger often, the answer is no. Sura attacks are rare, and Sagara... she disappeared seven years ago. There is a good chance that it will happen again, once I get home, but whether it's on the same scale...
[ she shrugs. ]
As long as Agni is there, the barrier should hold, and we'll have a way of fighting back.
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Look, I've had like half this fucking mansion tell me it's not okay to sacrifice my life for anybody, even though I'm a piece of shit, so I'm not gonna sit here and hear it from you, either.
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Protecting the city and the people who live there is my job. They rely on me and on Agni to keep them safe. What kind of priestess would I be if I put my own life above theirs?
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And I don't mean just death. I mean the whole thing. Being self sacrificing is fucking hard and nobody deserves to have to be that all the time.
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I've already lost most of my lifespan, anyway. If the rest of it is spent protecting what matters most to me, then I won't have any regrets. I've already failed Atera once by letting the barrier fall when they needed it most. I won't do it again.
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[ she just goes ahead and punches the pew in front of her. beau is never too tired to be angry. she also catapults herself up to go pace. muttering to herself: ]
Why do all the girls I'm into do this? Is it a me thing?
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All the... what?
[ ??? slowly, as if she's trying not to upset beau further, she sets her book aside to stand. it's tempting to reach for her staff, but she resists and only goes to the end of the pew - letting beau have distance, if she wants it, but still concerned. ]
Beau, it has nothing to do with you. I made that decision almost twenty years ago.
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Fucking - of course it doesn't, I'm not that arrogant, I didn't think it had anything to do with me. I just get sick of seeing people like you fucking toil and suffer for years and nobody even cares or notices.
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Yeah, of course not. Because you don't deserve someone to worry after you, right?
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Ugh. You say that like people can just choose to shut the worry off.
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cw: parental abuse
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