[ zenitsu blinks. who is he? is it agni? that's the only person from her world that he knows.
circumstances can be considered fixed for a number of reasons. sometimes, it's because a person refuses to change. other times, it's because of something beyond the person's control. but if it's people, people can change.
he has to believe that people can change. otherwise, he'll be a crybaby for the rest of his life and that'll wrest any hope he has away from him. ]
[ he's pushed so much to get this far. it's uncomfortable and unnerving. he fears upsetting brilith too much, but he can't stop now. ]
Maybe he will.
[ brilith can speak with more certainty than zenitsu on this. still, he's been surprised by people in the past, and he was born with an ability to discern lies. he's quiet as he considers tossing the only name with which he's familiar. ]
It's not Mr. Kim, is it?
[ it's a shot in the dark. all he understands is that they share a history, and they didn't exactly communicate well. one memory was enough to showcase that. ]
[ it's all the affirmation he needs. he's surprised. at the same time, he isn't. hearing that saddens him.
agni seems like a kind god. he's compassionate, and he braved a monstrous night to protect others. his decision to use the feather is the reason zenitsu is here, right now, with a flesh body. it's hard to imagine someone like that being deliberately cruel.
so it has to be an accident. but what kind of accident is it? he doesn't want to pry into adult affairs—and yet. ]
What's that?
[ why is history constantly repeating itself? why is brilith suffering? why does agni not answer questions about brilith?
in the memory, brilith recognized that she was at fault. pride got in the way. but that doesn't seem to be the case here. ]
[ it's a simple enough question, one with answer that is so, so complicated. hearing it all would overwhelm zenitsu, she thinks, but the simplest most honest answer she could give would only alarm him. so what can she say, exactly...? ]
He will follow almost any order I give him. If he can't read my mind anymore, that is all he can do, he says. He will do exactly as I say, and think no more of it.
Except for one - no matter how many times I ask, he will never let me go.
[ the rest comes out unbidden, in a flare of frustration. ]
He will let me die as many times as I choose without getting in my way, but he will never stop loving me.
[ it's all very raw for her, especially... here, before the patch of sunflowers, after this weekend. because she may never have noticed those flowers in the first place, if it weren't for agni. and if she hadn't, then she wouldn't have-- ]
[ it's a lot, he realizes. there's a lot going on here. of course there is—there's a god involved, and brilith just said that she's died multiple times. he can't begin to process half of what she's disclosed. zenitsu is speechless.
slowly, he straightens. he can't begin to fathom how being loved could be a curse, not when he's coveted love from others all his life. he lacks the experience and wisdom to speak on this matter, so he says nothing as he pads over to brilith.
it's not the same as dealing with girls his age. when girls cry, he can coo and ask them what's wrong and hold them. grownups are different. even so, he looks at brilith with a worried furrow in his brow before reaching for her hand.
maybe it won't do anything. maybe he'll just make her mood worse. still, he wants to reach out and convey that her story has touched him. he doesn't know what to say, but he can do this as he thinks. ]
[ his fingers gingerly curl around hers, leaving plenty of room for her to pull away if she deems the contact inappropriate. when she doesn't, he gives her hand a gentle squeeze. he considers the lack of trembling a small victory. ]
I don't know what it's like to be loved by someone who won't let you go, but I can tell that it's hurting you.
And . . . I don't know how to fix it. Something like that is beyond me. Even so, I hope that things change for you once you go back to your world.
[ words are pretty, and they probably don't mean much for someone who's had to deal with this for so long. but this is all he can do, he thinks as he pulls his hand back. ]
[ she's quiet as he speaks letting the words sink in. hope, huh...? it's such an easy thing to have, with only one life behind or ahead of you. brilith can hardly remember what that's like, once she awakens to each and every time she's suffered yet another horrible fate. how do you have such hope, when all you ever seem to do is lose everything, over and over again, and you aren't even allowed to die and rest like anyone else?
but zenitsu... he's as sincere as ever. whether or not he can do anything to help her, he truly wishes the best, even for a cruel, crazy woman like brilith. if she had any doubts before, they're gone - he will see paradise, when the time comes.
she wonders if she should smile - either in gratitude, or to reassure this kind-hearted boy, with his good intentions.
she doesn't. ]
It won't... as long as he doesn't change, nothing else will. [ her voice is soft as she tears her eyes away from him so that maybe, zenitsu won't see the longing in them. ] The gods never change.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ her hands loosen, and she smiles again - but this time, it isn't trying to cover anything. there is no joy to it, there is only resignation. ]
You have a good heart, Zenitsu. But there are some people who can't be helped, no matter how much you want to.
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I know. I know that there are people like that.
[ he lived with one for a while. while he respects that person, they also hate each other. theirs is a miserable state of affairs. ]
Even so, why does it have to be that way? Why can't you be helped, Brilith?
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[ she huffs a laugh, the sound soft. he really is kind, isn't he? if they have paradise in his world, she imagines that he will see it someday. ]
It's because there is only one person who is able to help me, Zenitsu, and he never will.
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circumstances can be considered fixed for a number of reasons. sometimes, it's because a person refuses to change. other times, it's because of something beyond the person's control. but if it's people, people can change.
he has to believe that people can change. otherwise, he'll be a crybaby for the rest of his life and that'll wrest any hope he has away from him. ]
He?
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In all the time I've known him, he has never changed. I don't expect that he ever will. So my situation will not change, either.
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Maybe he will.
[ brilith can speak with more certainty than zenitsu on this. still, he's been surprised by people in the past, and he was born with an ability to discern lies. he's quiet as he considers tossing the only name with which he's familiar. ]
It's not Mr. Kim, is it?
[ it's a shot in the dark. all he understands is that they share a history, and they didn't exactly communicate well. one memory was enough to showcase that. ]
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[ that may be as good of an affirmation as he will get. ]
We've had so many chances, but every time... Every time, he does the same.
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agni seems like a kind god. he's compassionate, and he braved a monstrous night to protect others. his decision to use the feather is the reason zenitsu is here, right now, with a flesh body. it's hard to imagine someone like that being deliberately cruel.
so it has to be an accident. but what kind of accident is it? he doesn't want to pry into adult affairs—and yet. ]
What's that?
[ why is history constantly repeating itself? why is brilith suffering? why does agni not answer questions about brilith?
in the memory, brilith recognized that she was at fault. pride got in the way. but that doesn't seem to be the case here. ]
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He will follow almost any order I give him. If he can't read my mind anymore, that is all he can do, he says. He will do exactly as I say, and think no more of it.
Except for one - no matter how many times I ask, he will never let me go.
[ the rest comes out unbidden, in a flare of frustration. ]
He will let me die as many times as I choose without getting in my way, but he will never stop loving me.
[ it's all very raw for her, especially... here, before the patch of sunflowers, after this weekend. because she may never have noticed those flowers in the first place, if it weren't for agni. and if she hadn't, then she wouldn't have-- ]
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slowly, he straightens. he can't begin to fathom how being loved could be a curse, not when he's coveted love from others all his life. he lacks the experience and wisdom to speak on this matter, so he says nothing as he pads over to brilith.
it's not the same as dealing with girls his age. when girls cry, he can coo and ask them what's wrong and hold them. grownups are different. even so, he looks at brilith with a worried furrow in his brow before reaching for her hand.
maybe it won't do anything. maybe he'll just make her mood worse. still, he wants to reach out and convey that her story has touched him. he doesn't know what to say, but he can do this as he thinks. ]
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Zenitsu...?
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I don't know what it's like to be loved by someone who won't let you go, but I can tell that it's hurting you.
And . . . I don't know how to fix it. Something like that is beyond me. Even so, I hope that things change for you once you go back to your world.
[ words are pretty, and they probably don't mean much for someone who's had to deal with this for so long. but this is all he can do, he thinks as he pulls his hand back. ]
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but zenitsu... he's as sincere as ever. whether or not he can do anything to help her, he truly wishes the best, even for a cruel, crazy woman like brilith. if she had any doubts before, they're gone - he will see paradise, when the time comes.
she wonders if she should smile - either in gratitude, or to reassure this kind-hearted boy, with his good intentions.
she doesn't. ]
It won't... as long as he doesn't change, nothing else will. [ her voice is soft as she tears her eyes away from him so that maybe, zenitsu won't see the longing in them. ] The gods never change.
[ after a long, quiet moment, she adds: ]
...But thank you, Zenitsu.