[ half an hour later, he returns with a wreath of flowers. leaves make up half of it, while flowers of various shades of blue decorate the other half. a single red flower sits near the end of its counterparts. he holds it out for brilith.
[ he's good at making rings of flowers, so it didn't take much time at all—is what he wants to say, but he finds himself too nervous to say anything. ]
I think your hair is a pretty color. But blue is nice, too!
[ her smile doesn't budge. this is, after all, one of the same things she's heard for years. her fans praise everything about her, enough that it starts to get uncomfortable at times, but...
somehow it seems a little more sincere, coming from zenitsu. after all, no one's ever bothered to ask what her. favorite color is. no one seems to have thought that the priestess of fire might like anything except red. she's about to thank him again, but that's the moment that a memory flashes between them, cutting her off. ]
[ her smile belies a font of regret. it's not an unfamiliar feeling to zenitsu, who nonetheless has difficulty relating to the situation. (it also explains so much about babo kim without explaining anything.)
he has his pride, but not in the way adults have theirs. when the memory fades, he blinks and reflexively repeats what (s)he was thinking. ]
[ and suddenly, she's ashamed all over again. yelling at agni was... probably one of her biggest mistakes. if it weren't for that, then maybe...
no. thinking that way... it's no good. ]
...It's nothing. [ she smiles again, and this time the gestures is a little more strained than before. but if she keeps smiling, maybe, just maybe, he'll believe it. ] But... thank you, for the wreath. I love it.
[ after what he's just experienced, something about her smile looks sad. if he had his hearing, he's sure he'd be able to hear a sound akin to sorrow.
still, he hesitates. she's shut that conversation down already, even though he's witnessed a scene where she did the same with thoughts to the contrary. she's a grown-up and he's only a kid, though, so who's he to pry?
the wreath feels juvenile now. zenitsu plays with the cuffs of the mansion-provided shirt as he dons a look of uncertainty. he opens his mouth to say his thanks and go—to leave this nice woman alone and not force her to dwell on these painful memories—when his own flare into their minds.
It's not one memory, but a series that come in short bursts. After all, your life doesn't have much to offer in the way of significant events.
It's the same thing every time. The kids at the orphanage who wanted another able player for their game. The grown-ups who looked at you, an orphan, with pity. The students at the local institution who wanted a competent classmate. The girls who smiled for a time, knowing that you'd give them anything they asked, only to frown later. The sweet girl you loved and wanted to marry, so that you wouldn't have to die alone. All of them.
As always, you end up with fat tears rolling down your cheeks and snot dripping from your nose as you cling to the hems of their clothes. The boys exchange glances before turning their backs, finding that you're no fun at all. The grown-ups scold your unseemly behavior and leave to attend to a better child. The girls huff and leave: You're not worth their time. More often than not, just one instance of crying or cowering away leads to their realization that you're no good.
Yet, even knowing that it's all your fault, you cry.
"Don't leave me!"
Each and every time, you cry, "Please don't leave me behind!"
In the end, you're left crouched on the side of the street, sobbing into your hands and knees, alone and friendless. ]
[ by the time she's returned to herself, the smile is gone, erased by the raw emotion coming from the memory. her eyes feel wide and watery, but she ignores that, instead carefully watching the boy before her for a reaction. ]
[ and just like always, he wants to cry for his sorry self . . . but not in front of brilith. his heart sinks when he notices that her smile has gone. it's all his fault for having those shameful memories to shove at her! ]
S-sorry! Sorry, I didn't know you'd be seeing any of that. If I'd known, I wouldn't have come back after I left the first time. I didn't mean to upset you!
[ there's hesitation in her voice, because brilith doesn't know how to talk about these things. she's never had anyone to talk about them to, aside from maybe agni, but he'd had a leg up on her anyway. still, it feels like something needs to be said. maybe she isn't the one who should say it, but... ]
...Did you really think you weren't worth their time?
[ his mouth clamps shut, surprised by brilith's response. ]
Who . . . the girls?
[ what can it hurt to answer?
he truly, sincerely liked each and every one of them. it's a simple fact that he likes girls a lot. even when they deceived him, he wanted to make them happy and to believe that they wanted the same for him in return. he raises a hand to his ear. ]
Whenever they hesitated or made faces, I always thought it was out of love. That they wanted to be as honest as possible with me, because they cared.
The girl I loved made me raise money so she could run off with another guy . . . I want to think that she cared, and that's the reason she told me why she was leaving.
[ whether he was worth their time or not, he wants to believe that he was. but his mind knows the truth that his heart has buried time and again. ]
[ it breaks her heart to hear. zenitsu has a kind, generous heart - he shouldn't be taken advantage of like this, but it's all too easy to see how it would happen. there are people in her world who might do much the same, if given the chance. ]
Please tell me you found someone who didn't leave you.
[ because brilith knows all too well what it's like to be alone, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. least of all someone who tries so hard. ]
[ even if it's wrong to deceive others, he can understand why he might've been duped time and again. he's loud. he cries over every little thing. he's indolent and struggles more than most. he tests people's patience just by being himself.
maybe his parents abandoned him, because he wouldn't stop crying as a baby. or maybe they just couldn't handle a third mouth to feed. maybe they died. who knows?
but that was years ago. and it's not really something he should be dumping onto brilith, so he'll share the happy answer. ]
Gramps took me in after he cleared my debt. He hasn't left me. He wouldn't let me run away, either.
Ah... no, not really. The only people that would be waiting for me would be the people of Atera, but I'm sure they have someone else managing things while I'm gone.
You're a priestess, right? Come to think of it, the plaque mentioned a queen. [ he hesitates. hang on a second. ] Since you've gone missing, wouldn't they be looking for you?
Ah, I'm not really a queen... It's just a name they throw around sometimes.
[ it's a little embarrassing, so she doesn't delve into the details there. ]
And yes - I'm sure they have looked for me. But there are priest candidates in Atera now, so they'll definitely have someone to take my place. It shouldn't be that big of a problem if they can't find me.
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good thing she's still here! ]
Here.
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It’s lovely, thank you. But you didn’t have to make this for me, you know.
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I think your hair is a pretty color. But blue is nice, too!
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somehow it seems a little more sincere, coming from zenitsu. after all, no one's ever bothered to ask what her. favorite color is. no one seems to have thought that the priestess of fire might like anything except red. she's about to thank him again, but that's the moment that a memory flashes between them, cutting her off. ]
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he has his pride, but not in the way adults have theirs. when the memory fades, he blinks and reflexively repeats what (s)he was thinking. ]
Turn . . . around?
[ at the same time, he feels incredibly sad. ]
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no. thinking that way... it's no good. ]
...It's nothing. [ she smiles again, and this time the gestures is a little more strained than before. but if she keeps smiling, maybe, just maybe, he'll believe it. ] But... thank you, for the wreath. I love it.
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still, he hesitates. she's shut that conversation down already, even though he's witnessed a scene where she did the same with thoughts to the contrary. she's a grown-up and he's only a kid, though, so who's he to pry?
the wreath feels juvenile now. zenitsu plays with the cuffs of the mansion-provided shirt as he dons a look of uncertainty. he opens his mouth to say his thanks and go—to leave this nice woman alone and not force her to dwell on these painful memories—when his own flare into their minds.
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Zenitsu...
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S-sorry! Sorry, I didn't know you'd be seeing any of that. If I'd known, I wouldn't have come back after I left the first time. I didn't mean to upset you!
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[ there's hesitation in her voice, because brilith doesn't know how to talk about these things. she's never had anyone to talk about them to, aside from maybe agni, but he'd had a leg up on her anyway. still, it feels like something needs to be said. maybe she isn't the one who should say it, but... ]
...Did you really think you weren't worth their time?
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Who . . . the girls?
[ what can it hurt to answer?
he truly, sincerely liked each and every one of them. it's a simple fact that he likes girls a lot. even when they deceived him, he wanted to make them happy and to believe that they wanted the same for him in return. he raises a hand to his ear. ]
Whenever they hesitated or made faces, I always thought it was out of love. That they wanted to be as honest as possible with me, because they cared.
The girl I loved made me raise money so she could run off with another guy . . . I want to think that she cared, and that's the reason she told me why she was leaving.
[ whether he was worth their time or not, he wants to believe that he was. but his mind knows the truth that his heart has buried time and again. ]
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[ it breaks her heart to hear. zenitsu has a kind, generous heart - he shouldn't be taken advantage of like this, but it's all too easy to see how it would happen. there are people in her world who might do much the same, if given the chance. ]
Please tell me you found someone who didn't leave you.
[ because brilith knows all too well what it's like to be alone, and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. least of all someone who tries so hard. ]
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maybe his parents abandoned him, because he wouldn't stop crying as a baby. or maybe they just couldn't handle a third mouth to feed. maybe they died. who knows?
but that was years ago. and it's not really something he should be dumping onto brilith, so he'll share the happy answer. ]
Gramps took me in after he cleared my debt. He hasn't left me. He wouldn't let me run away, either.
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Good. We'll have to make sure you get back to him as soon as possible, then.
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What about you, Brilith?
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What about me?
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[ it's a little embarrassing, so she doesn't delve into the details there. ]
And yes - I'm sure they have looked for me. But there are priest candidates in Atera now, so they'll definitely have someone to take my place. It shouldn't be that big of a problem if they can't find me.
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They'd replace you, just like that? Even if they did, they can still keep on looking for you, can't they? I'm sure they're looking right now!
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[ and is he really a god? ]
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[ he thinks he's sneaky is why ]
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[ it comes out before he can filter himself (which he never does), and he freezes in place as soon as the words tumble out of his mouth.
ah. is he in trouble now? that's called blasphemy, isn't it? ]
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