Haha. Maybe so. But I imagine you must have had to deal with your fair share of questions from everyone else after whatever that was yesterday, correct?
[ and she can't imagine that it wouldn't have gotten tiring even if brilith had been in a mood to entertain it.
she wanders over to a bookshelf, pulling down something on various mythological creatures. ]
I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to be on your own for a while.
[ what a nice philosophy. perhaps, a few days ago, brilith would have argued with it. she might have insisted that the past does matter, and even know she can't say she doesn't think so. but what a relief it would be, to be able to leave it behind. ]
Nothing. I see no need to go out of my way to help anyone here when they have no direction, and no way out.
I don't have one. We can't know how things will change, but I don't plan to help, and I don't plan to hinder them. All they've asked is for me to live, nothing more.
[ brilith knows all too well the status of her own history - erased from existence long ago, every last vestige of it destroyed, save her own soul, and that only because of a twist of fate. she and her people were replaced by something new, something different and weaker - more pliant, and subservient to the gods. though she hides it well among these new humans, all it's done is instill a deep-rooted bitterness in her soul.
so she can't help but wonder how 45 seems so different. or is she, at all? is she hiding her real feelings on the matter, just like brilith has had to do for millennia? ]
If only the rest of them were so understanding. [ she sighs, suddenly very tired. ] Though I suppose it's difficult, from their perspectives. The one life they have means the world to them.
I shouldn't still exist. It's easier in some ways if they think I don't.
It will make looking for what I need to know much simpler.
[ something that for now, she can twist into being an advantage, of sorts. a ghost in the machine, a team that does not strictly exist in any official systems or records. ]
Yes, I understand. It's better to stay under the radar that way, isn't it?
[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
The reason I was made. Why sabotaging the mission that resulted in the Butterfly Incident was so important that they had to custom create not one, but two units for it, and wipe all our internal records clean so that they couldn't be tracked.
Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
[ they were tools, she'd said, that look a little more human than normal. brilith knows, intimately well, how it feels to be at the bottom of the chain. 45 isn't weak. but she is treated as lesser, just as the humans in her own world were, and are. the t-dolls lives' are made to be thrown away and matter little to her creators, just as the humans in her own world didn't matter to the gods who made them.
it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
I think that will depend greatly on what those answers turn out to be. For a long time- I knew it happened, but I couldn't even access those memories without a lot of effort and risk.
[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
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[ it's brisk, businesslike, but not unfriendly. ]
On the contrary: it might be me who is more likely to disturb you. You were here first, after all.
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[ she doesn't up from her book. ]
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[ and she can't imagine that it wouldn't have gotten tiring even if brilith had been in a mood to entertain it.
she wanders over to a bookshelf, pulling down something on various mythological creatures. ]
I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to be on your own for a while.
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...I'm used to not being left alone even when I want it.
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There's a rule in my squad, you know. Unofficial, but respected all the same. We don't ask questions about each other's pasts.
All that matters is the here and now. What do you intend to do from here on out, Brilith?
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Nothing. I see no need to go out of my way to help anyone here when they have no direction, and no way out.
And dying here... might be a relief.
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but regardless. ]
... Because we're cut off from whatever methods there might be to bring us back, do you mean?
[ it's conjecture, based off a single question: have you died before? ]
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That's right. If it's the final time, then I don't think I would mind so much.
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[ ... ]
This is your peace, then? How you try to convince them to vote for you again, knowing this?
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[ She's a doll, after all. ]
I asked what your plan was. How will the coming week be any different from this one?
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Those lifetimes of memories must be a heavy burden. I'm not sure I can understand it, but do as you will. I won't argue with you like the others have.
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[ she doesn't roll her eyes, exactly, but the sentiment is there in her tone. ]
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A malfunction in the system, a glitch to be handled.
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Yes. You'd know quite well what that's like, wouldn't you?
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[ been erased or erased herself? a mystery. ]
My end point is: your business is your business. I can hardly judge you for it, much less offer advice, when I know so little of it to begin with.
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[ brilith knows all too well the status of her own history - erased from existence long ago, every last vestige of it destroyed, save her own soul, and that only because of a twist of fate. she and her people were replaced by something new, something different and weaker - more pliant, and subservient to the gods. though she hides it well among these new humans, all it's done is instill a deep-rooted bitterness in her soul.
so she can't help but wonder how 45 seems so different. or is she, at all? is she hiding her real feelings on the matter, just like brilith has had to do for millennia? ]
If only the rest of them were so understanding. [ she sighs, suddenly very tired. ] Though I suppose it's difficult, from their perspectives. The one life they have means the world to them.
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[ not necessarily good, then, but- ]
I shouldn't still exist. It's easier in some ways if they think I don't.
It will make looking for what I need to know much simpler.
[ something that for now, she can twist into being an advantage, of sorts. a ghost in the machine, a team that does not strictly exist in any official systems or records. ]
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[ it's much the same reason brilith holds so many secrets close to her chest, hoarding her memories and information like secret weapons for the day they'll be most useful, a day which still has yet to come. ]
What is it you're looking for, then?
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Why it was so important that we were both built to die in that same incident.
[ whoever issued that order... there's a conspiracy here going beyond simply sangvis ferri, the military, and the government, and she's going to get to the bottom of it. for the sake of the doll brilith has seen in her memories, if nothing else, who sacrificed her own life so that 45 could escape. ]
They wanted to keep their secrets, fine. But there must be something larger behind what they did, if they went to such lengths for it.
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it brings back that sense of injustice that had first spurred brilith to do something about it. that very same sense of justice had gotten her people destroyed, in the end. why still eludes her, beyond the gods' assertion that the ancient human race didn't belong. is it the same sort of thing, she wonders? was it that 45 and 40 simply didn't belong?
it's terribly familiar, she thinks, even being as alien as it is. it only serves to anger her even more, at the creators who would give a kind girl, doll or otherwise, so terrible a fate. ]
What will you do, if you find what you're looking for? Are you looking for revenge, or simply to understand?
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[ it's been a breadcrumbs trail for a while, and funding the upkeep and operations cost of several other non-existent dolls means she can't solely devote herself to trawling for information. ]
But I didn't go into this search expecting a happy resolution. I suppose ... we'll just have to see when I get there.
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Then I hope you will find what you are looking for, and sooner rather than later.
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[ a lot of people would not be so supportive of a dressed up revenge quest, so bless brilith, really. ]
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