[ she's about to argue that, no, she was angry at nhs, but. that isn't entirely true, is it? it's so easy to get swept up in it that she loses sight of herself sometimes, and yet brilith still can't bring herself to apologize. so she simply lowers her gaze once more, and asks softly: ]
Can you blame me? In any other circumstances, it would make more sense, but not then. Not when someone had already confessed.
Nah, I don't blame you. And I get how much worse it was because of who it was.
[ she folds her arms. ] I don't regret defending Sang, and I doubt you're sorry. You shouldn't be - I wouldn't be. It made sense on both sides and I get why you were angry.
If it came down to it, or if he asked me to... I would vote for him. I'm not going to kill someone innocent if it can be avoided, no matter how I feel about them.
Agni confessed so that we wouldn't spend what little time we had on a death whose cause and method he already knew wasn't connected to the monster. Nie HuaiSang should have done the same once Agni spoke up, but instead let us waste time trying to piece together the evidence out of fear for himself, instead of helping us focus on finding the monster we needed to find. That is why I was angry.
You have a kind heart, and it led you protect him. I simply don't see what good it does for anyone to hold back that kind of information when there is a larger threat to deal with.
I mean, I get that. But we didn't have a lot of evidence to start with, either. We lucked into it with Hunter. [ she flushes just a slight bit at the mention of a kind heart, but keeps talking. ]
I guess it doesn't matter now. We managed to get all three killers and didn't even have to kill someone. Stroke of fucking luck.
[ she scrubs at her face, the energy just falling out of her. she's still reeling a bit. ]
No, I don't think I am either. [ she thinks that she's her best self when she's helping people. ] I'm glad, though. I like you, Brilith, I just wanted to clear the air, you know?
anyway that memory sure was a lot and beau kind of - doesn't know what to do with it. she frowns as they come out of it, and rubs at her face, trying to make sense of what was going on. it reminds her of something she'd seen before, someone else's memory, and she almost instinctively grabs for brilith's hand to make sure it's still there, turning it over to look. ]
[ that memory... it always stirs something very uncomfortable in brilith's mind, something all too easy to get lost in. it's grounding, in a way, when beau grabs her hand before brilith can even think to pull away. ]
...It was a transcendental, of a sura named Sagara. She led an attack my city, and she hated that I wouldn't give up. So she tried to kill me. She almost did.
That transcendental... it rots your body away, slowly and painfully. It was the worst thing I'd ever felt.
Like blight. [ beau murmurs. she mulls that over for a moment - if brilith didn't pull away entirely when she turns, she kind of soothingly pets brilith's hand. otherwise she just pulls her legs up to the pew and frowns. ]
But you survived it. Was that, uh. Agni? [ at the end. ]
You surviving is definitely the most important part of that, yeah. [ she huffs. ] The... Burnish are Lio's people, but I think that's more his thing to tell.
...I meant the city's safety, Beau. I wouldn't regret giving my life, if it meant my people would be alright.
[ just a quiet, gentle correction, as she finally pulls her hand away. ]
If you mean to ask whether I'm in danger often, the answer is no. Sura attacks are rare, and Sagara... she disappeared seven years ago. There is a good chance that it will happen again, once I get home, but whether it's on the same scale...
[ she shrugs. ]
As long as Agni is there, the barrier should hold, and we'll have a way of fighting back.
Look, I've had like half this fucking mansion tell me it's not okay to sacrifice my life for anybody, even though I'm a piece of shit, so I'm not gonna sit here and hear it from you, either.
Protecting the city and the people who live there is my job. They rely on me and on Agni to keep them safe. What kind of priestess would I be if I put my own life above theirs?
You don't have to fucking be a priestess all the time. You're a person, don't give me that. I know you'd do it because that's the kind of person you are, but you don't have to be okay with it. Fuck that.
Who said I'm not okay with it? My mother held the position before me, and she died to protect our people. I knew exactly what it would mean when I chose to follow in her footsteps, or I wouldn't have summoned Agni at all.
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I'm not angry with you, Beau.
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I'm not angry with you.
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Yeah, alright. I believe you. But you were during the trial.
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Can you blame me? In any other circumstances, it would make more sense, but not then. Not when someone had already confessed.
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[ she folds her arms. ] I don't regret defending Sang, and I doubt you're sorry. You shouldn't be - I wouldn't be. It made sense on both sides and I get why you were angry.
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It had nothing to do with Agni.
[ she closes her book with a soft sigh. ]
If it came down to it, or if he asked me to... I would vote for him. I'm not going to kill someone innocent if it can be avoided, no matter how I feel about them.
Agni confessed so that we wouldn't spend what little time we had on a death whose cause and method he already knew wasn't connected to the monster. Nie HuaiSang should have done the same once Agni spoke up, but instead let us waste time trying to piece together the evidence out of fear for himself, instead of helping us focus on finding the monster we needed to find. That is why I was angry.
You have a kind heart, and it led you protect him. I simply don't see what good it does for anyone to hold back that kind of information when there is a larger threat to deal with.
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I mean, I get that. But we didn't have a lot of evidence to start with, either. We lucked into it with Hunter. [ she flushes just a slight bit at the mention of a kind heart, but keeps talking. ]
I guess it doesn't matter now. We managed to get all three killers and didn't even have to kill someone. Stroke of fucking luck.
[ she scrubs at her face, the energy just falling out of her. she's still reeling a bit. ]
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[ brilith doesn't want to argue, though. like beau said, it's done now. ]
I don't think wanting to help him makes you a bad person, for what it's worth.
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No, I don't think I am either. [ she thinks that she's her best self when she's helping people. ] I'm glad, though. I like you, Brilith, I just wanted to clear the air, you know?
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brilith: oh? friend? we're friends? ]
Mm. Agni seemed worried that I'd hold a grudge against you, but-
[ haha. whatever that thought was, she's not finishing it, that's when they'll see a memory, one that always takes her breath away. ]
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anyway that memory sure was a lot and beau kind of - doesn't know what to do with it. she frowns as they come out of it, and rubs at her face, trying to make sense of what was going on. it reminds her of something she'd seen before, someone else's memory, and she almost instinctively grabs for brilith's hand to make sure it's still there, turning it over to look. ]
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Beau...?
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[ she can see the ashes drifting away so clearly that it's disorienting. but there it is. maybe she doesn't let go just yet. ]
What was that? [ beau asks quietly, tracing her fingers over brilith's palm. ]
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...It was a transcendental, of a sura named Sagara. She led an attack my city, and she hated that I wouldn't give up. So she tried to kill me. She almost did.
That transcendental... it rots your body away, slowly and painfully. It was the worst thing I'd ever felt.
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But you survived it. Was that, uh. Agni? [ at the end. ]
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That's right. If he hadn't shown up just then, I think Sagara would have gotten what she wanted.
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[ which makes her Upset. ] The way you - fuck, man. I'm - sorry? I feel like that isn't the right thing to say, but I am.
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[ ah... but then beau says that, and brilith fervently shakes her head. ]
No, it... it doesn't matter anymore. It was seven years ago, my city is safe. now, and I survived. That's more important.
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You surviving is definitely the most important part of that, yeah. [ she huffs. ] The... Burnish are Lio's people, but I think that's more his thing to tell.
Is life like that all the time for you?
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[ just a quiet, gentle correction, as she finally pulls her hand away. ]
If you mean to ask whether I'm in danger often, the answer is no. Sura attacks are rare, and Sagara... she disappeared seven years ago. There is a good chance that it will happen again, once I get home, but whether it's on the same scale...
[ she shrugs. ]
As long as Agni is there, the barrier should hold, and we'll have a way of fighting back.
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Look, I've had like half this fucking mansion tell me it's not okay to sacrifice my life for anybody, even though I'm a piece of shit, so I'm not gonna sit here and hear it from you, either.
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Protecting the city and the people who live there is my job. They rely on me and on Agni to keep them safe. What kind of priestess would I be if I put my own life above theirs?
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cw: parental abuse
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