blues clues » zenitsu

[infire]

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[infire]

[ she hums thoughtfully. ]

Yes, I suppose I was. But it's to be expected when you're managing an entire city. It's probably part of why this place has proven so frustrating.

[swordflash]

Because you can't manage what's going on in the house?

[infire]

[ at that, she raises an eyebrow in surprise ]

I can't manage every place in the world, Zenitsu. [ . . . ] Though it would probably be a much more welcoming place if one of us could.

[swordflash]

[ the crease in his brow subsides at the thought. a place managed by brilith must be very nice, indeed. ]

Then . . . are you frustrated, because you need to go back? It's been weeks, after all.

[infire]

...Agni needs to return more than I do. Whether I do or not, they can find someone else to handle Atera, but a god cannot be replaced.

[swordflash]

That's not true. I'm sure your citizens miss you! So you both have to return together.

[infire]

Maybe, but they'd move on sooner or later, just like they did when my mother died.

[swordflash]

But . . . that doesn't mean you're not important to them.

[infire]

I never said that. I know I'm important to them, as Agni's summoner. But they don't need me. They are perfectly capable of living without me, once they have a new priest to hold the barrier.

[swordflash]

[ something about the way brilith says that strikes him as sad. ]

Is it that important to be needed?

[infire]

...No. As I said, they'll find someone else to take care of the city in my absence.

[ she doesn't really want to tell zenitsu the real reason she's so ambivalent on this. he's a good boy, one who shouldn't be saddled with such things. ]

[swordflash]

[ she did say that before. she talks about what's necessary so much while writing herself off as dispensable. there's a lot that he isn't understanding here, and it's not place to pry, but the questions in his mind are numerous. ]

You want to go back, though, right?

[infire]

[ ...well, she doesn't want to talk about it, but she doesn't necessarily want to lie to zenitsu, either. so brilith sighs, and closes her eyes. ]

I don't particularly care what happens to me. But I will go back, if it means ensuring that Agni goes.

[swordflash]

[ that still doesn't sound right. and it's clearly not a conversation she enjoys, yet zenitsu hesitates.

maybe she's right about her position. maybe the city can just find another summoner to take her place. maybe a god's presence is more important for the world than that of one person. even so, he can't agree that agni is inherently more necessary than brilith. ]

That week, I saw his memory. He was talking to someone.

[ zenitsu breathes in, then recites: ]

The souls of gods, nastikas, and humans are fundamentally equal. If that's true, you're just as irreplaceable as he is, whether or not there's a city to manage.

[infire]

[ at those words, brilith goes very still. how cruel, she thinks, to have her own words used against her. even if that isn't zenitsu's intent, that is how it feels, knowing where this memory came from. so her voice is quiet, bitter, when she says: ]

It used to be true, but not anymore.

[swordflash]

[ bitter is the word. everything about her screams bitter. it's a difficult, complex emotion to navigate and he looks at her with curious concern. ]

Did something happen?

[infire]

[ she'll give a slow nod, but she still doesn't want to burden zenitsu with her past. ]

It's nothing you should worry yourself over, Zenitsu. It was - years ago.

[ and it was, but she's okay with him thinking whatever happened was maybe from her childhood, instead of the truth. ]

[swordflash]

[ he's testing the boundaries here, he knows, but he's gotten this far. it's left him flustered and panicky enough to keep going. he's never been good at keeping his mouth shut once it's started running, particularly in the company of attractive women. ]

I can't help it. In that memory we shared, you felt so lonely. Even now, something doesn't feel right.

[infire]

[ if he's paying attention, maybe zenitsu will see her hands ball into fists in her lap, scrunching up the fabric of her skirts just a bit. she's careful to keep anything else from showing, or sneaking into her voice. ]

Maybe. But it's nothing I'm not used to, by now. As I said, it's been... years.

[swordflash]

[ there it is again. he's noticed more and more since she tended to him after the break-in that there's something strained about her. there's been a shift since the trial even before that.

he doesn't know the full story. still, he shakes his head. ]

That doesn't make it right. If it's gone on for so long, shouldn't it change? Everyone deserves that chance!

[infire]

I'm afraid that I lost that chance long ago.

[ her hands loosen, and she smiles again - but this time, it isn't trying to cover anything. there is no joy to it, there is only resignation. ]

You have a good heart, Zenitsu. But there are some people who can't be helped, no matter how much you want to.

[swordflash]

[ his gaze drops from her eyes to her smile, then down further to somewhere nondescript.]

I know. I know that there are people like that.

[ he lived with one for a while. while he respects that person, they also hate each other. theirs is a miserable state of affairs. ]

Even so, why does it have to be that way? Why can't you be helped, Brilith?

[infire]

And still you try...?

[ she huffs a laugh, the sound soft. he really is kind, isn't he? if they have paradise in his world, she imagines that he will see it someday. ]

It's because there is only one person who is able to help me, Zenitsu, and he never will.

[swordflash]

[ zenitsu blinks. who is he? is it agni? that's the only person from her world that he knows.

circumstances can be considered fixed for a number of reasons. sometimes, it's because a person refuses to change. other times, it's because of something beyond the person's control. but if it's people, people can change.

he has to believe that people can change. otherwise, he'll be a crybaby for the rest of his life and that'll wrest any hope he has away from him. ]

He?

[infire]

[ she nods, but. she isn't going to say the name unless zenitsu asks. even then, she might not say. ]

In all the time I've known him, he has never changed. I don't expect that he ever will. So my situation will not change, either.