blues clues » zenitsu

[infire]

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[infire]

Don't apologize, Zenitsu. You didn't choose to be infected, or to kill those boys. It isn't any fault of yours.

[swordflash]

Even if it isn't, it hurt lots of people. Not just the people who've died, but those who are left and those who are on the other side feel those deaths, too.

[ even the flowers. it's a terrible ripple effect at play. ]

[infire]

...I won't deny that it does hurt certain people. But that doesn't mean you're the one who should be apologizing for it.

Besides, if there is a way to bring them back, we're going to do it.

[swordflash]

Yeah.

[ the living will take care of the dead, while the dead will support the living. they'll all look out for each other.

he hesitates. ]

How are you feeling, Brilith?

[infire]

I am ready for this to end.

[ that

that isn't an answer but okay ]

[swordflash]

[ it's an answer and, honestly, one that tells a lot. ]

It has to end soon, right? We've had that meeting and all.

[infire]

It seems that if we wait much longer, we'll lose our chance. So yes, it has to be soon.

I never liked waiting around and doing nothing, anyway.

[swordflash]

I didn't think so. Even in that memory, you seemed like you were always busy.

[infire]

[ she hums thoughtfully. ]

Yes, I suppose I was. But it's to be expected when you're managing an entire city. It's probably part of why this place has proven so frustrating.

[swordflash]

Because you can't manage what's going on in the house?

[infire]

[ at that, she raises an eyebrow in surprise ]

I can't manage every place in the world, Zenitsu. [ . . . ] Though it would probably be a much more welcoming place if one of us could.

[swordflash]

[ the crease in his brow subsides at the thought. a place managed by brilith must be very nice, indeed. ]

Then . . . are you frustrated, because you need to go back? It's been weeks, after all.

[infire]

...Agni needs to return more than I do. Whether I do or not, they can find someone else to handle Atera, but a god cannot be replaced.

[swordflash]

That's not true. I'm sure your citizens miss you! So you both have to return together.

[infire]

Maybe, but they'd move on sooner or later, just like they did when my mother died.

[swordflash]

But . . . that doesn't mean you're not important to them.

[infire]

I never said that. I know I'm important to them, as Agni's summoner. But they don't need me. They are perfectly capable of living without me, once they have a new priest to hold the barrier.

[swordflash]

[ something about the way brilith says that strikes him as sad. ]

Is it that important to be needed?

[infire]

...No. As I said, they'll find someone else to take care of the city in my absence.

[ she doesn't really want to tell zenitsu the real reason she's so ambivalent on this. he's a good boy, one who shouldn't be saddled with such things. ]

[swordflash]

[ she did say that before. she talks about what's necessary so much while writing herself off as dispensable. there's a lot that he isn't understanding here, and it's not place to pry, but the questions in his mind are numerous. ]

You want to go back, though, right?

[infire]

[ ...well, she doesn't want to talk about it, but she doesn't necessarily want to lie to zenitsu, either. so brilith sighs, and closes her eyes. ]

I don't particularly care what happens to me. But I will go back, if it means ensuring that Agni goes.

[swordflash]

[ that still doesn't sound right. and it's clearly not a conversation she enjoys, yet zenitsu hesitates.

maybe she's right about her position. maybe the city can just find another summoner to take her place. maybe a god's presence is more important for the world than that of one person. even so, he can't agree that agni is inherently more necessary than brilith. ]

That week, I saw his memory. He was talking to someone.

[ zenitsu breathes in, then recites: ]

The souls of gods, nastikas, and humans are fundamentally equal. If that's true, you're just as irreplaceable as he is, whether or not there's a city to manage.

[infire]

[ at those words, brilith goes very still. how cruel, she thinks, to have her own words used against her. even if that isn't zenitsu's intent, that is how it feels, knowing where this memory came from. so her voice is quiet, bitter, when she says: ]

It used to be true, but not anymore.

[swordflash]

[ bitter is the word. everything about her screams bitter. it's a difficult, complex emotion to navigate and he looks at her with curious concern. ]

Did something happen?

[infire]

[ she'll give a slow nod, but she still doesn't want to burden zenitsu with her past. ]

It's nothing you should worry yourself over, Zenitsu. It was - years ago.

[ and it was, but she's okay with him thinking whatever happened was maybe from her childhood, instead of the truth. ]